Eating Beef! Have I borrowed it from the western culture?

I happened to watch the movie, Go, Goa, Gone, recently, and had a hearty laugh when I heard this dialogue, “Globalisation, yeh firangiyo ne vaat laga di hai, pehle laaye HIV, abhi zombie! Jokes apart, this got me thinking, as to how and why do we Indians associate everything with Phirangis.  At the rate at which people tell me “Ohh Brinell, this is one of those western things”, I have started to feel that I have borrowed my entire lifestyle from the west! The problem is not with people telling me so, the problem is when people decide for me and infer that, “this is so wrong man!”, “not in our culture”, “how does it matter”, “part of our culture, everyone does it!”, “ye sab hamare desh mein nahi chalta”, “why do you pick up fights with strangers, who knows tere peeche aaake ek din rape karegaa” etc. Is it true? Do we really have to blame the west for altering our so called Indian culture and thoughts? Or were we born in a culture where culture means being “inhuman” and “indifferent”?

So I decided to write this blog as an introspection of our culture vs. the west and talk about “my” views on all the things I feel we have unnecessarily borrowed from the west, which according to me we shouldn’t have as it’s not helping us anyways” and “What we must actually have borrowed from the west but no one seems to care!”

Clothes: Before you read on what I want to tell you, I suggest you read this, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Climate_of_India.
So we think we borrowed dressing styles from the west, the jeans the t-shirts, the skirts, the shorts, all of it. I say right, how stupid of us? As you read in the link that I sent, India is a hot climate, Bombay is hot and sweaty and stinky. I ask my husband often, “Why do we have to go dolled up like this every where? What’s the sense in wearing full clothes, and pants and jeans when you are sweating so profusely?” Our dressing styles are definitely not in sync with our climate! Whoever decided that we must wear blouses  with saris (and thank you Vidya Balan for taking those full sleeve blouses to Cannes, no doubt that’s the India you want everyone to believe) or long petticoats inside that sari, what were they thinking? Couldn’t we just be happy with wearing  “what Indians wore”? You think I am lying? Take a look at clothing in ancient India

So I think, fashion sense borrowed from the west was a bad idea. Who the hell decided that we need to stop wearing sensible airy, comfy clothes and rather emulate the west or Middle East and get completely decked up? My remedy for this problem lets go back to our ancient cultural roots which made more sense. And if we can’t, can I wear the shorts and spaghetti tops that I have borrowed from the west? They are more comfy you see 🙂

Kissing and PDA’s: Many would agree with me on this, kissing and being affectionate is not bad, infact it helps strengthen bonds. But in India, even touching is frowned upon. In many families men dont touch women, daughters, wives whoever! Infact once they reach puberty most of the fathers stop being affectionate, all affection is assumed to be given via gifts or smiles or a pat on the back! It would be much better if a father hugged his daughter occasionally and told her “well done! I am proud of you!” or a husband kissed his wife in front of his family just to appreciate her!

I had been to Marine Drive this weekend and Upavan Lake, the week before. In most of such public places in India, we can divide the public into three major kinds:
a) Couples who long to have some private moments at someplace where no one recognizes them and hence their “acts of affection” are not judged or looked down upon
b) Men who think watching such couples is fun hence they stick next to them and can’t take their eyes off them (at times me and hubby kiss each other when we see such assholes staring, and when they come and sit next to us, we switch form being PDA couple to normal hubby and wife mode discussing, talking, laughing.. it’s our small revenge you see 😉
c) Couples like me, who go there to discuss how it would be great to have a house by the sea or the lake, enjoy the calmness and then envy the residents who live nearby.
Quick quiz, what habit or behavior among these three groups have we borrowed from the west? I say none or may be (c), cause property rates in Bombay are so high you might as well think of borrowing someone’s seaside house in the west, may be it will be cheaper, who knows?

I have always felt that we are a “socially regressive country” (Maliika Sherawat used this term first), where kissing and PDA’s and talking about sex in frowned upon. If I may ask whom did we borrow this idea that PDA and sex is not a part of our culture? And whose culture did we borrow the habit of staring from? Which culture teaches us to be shameless and poke our noses in others business? There is no reason to believe that Indian culture was one where sex was taboo. We had been on a trip to Karnataka and what we saw was pretty amazing, an example of the sculptures is below! I say a total paradox to our current beliefs! So why can’t we go back to our roots, and do this!

Condoms: My hubby once narrated this incident to me. They had been to an official dinner, when a condom ad came up on the restaurants TV, so he told to his colleagues, “Wow this ad was creatively done!” There were girls among them, all married, and they put their heads down, one even said shee!!

Shee..kya shee???Yehi problem hai hamare desh keee. We don’t like condom ads and looks like we don’t like using them. I saw a taxi driver at the park today with his family. One man, one woman and bloody six children! All in rags and running about helter skelter, their actions seemed to annoy the public who had come there for a walk. By the looks of it, acting like civilians or teaching our children to behave in public is not a part of our culture, so they dint care that their children were creating a ruckus! What’s the point of having so many children, when you don’t have money to feed and clothe your wife, or when you cannot discipline even one of them in a civilized manner? Look at the population; look at how you are blaming the government for not providing enough facilities, look at how the government is blaming you for mass production of children! Look at the stink and smell in the local trains because of this population boom! (Even if those ads tell you that women will follow you like pests if you use those deo-sprays, there are two reasons why that won’t happen, one is after you alight the train no matter which deodorant you use, you will still stink like a pig (zara soongh ke to dekho!) and second is, there is no compartment in India where you will you find such jolly and happy women travelling to and from work! ha ha ha. ) Ok! Back to the topic, when is it that we will learn the importance of family planning? Or, the importance of teaching our children on how to behave in public?

Cleanliness: It’s amazing how all the things we do on a daily basis is attributed to our culture, like touching our elders feet, keeping our house clean, lighting a diya, some don’t cook meat in their kitchen as they say God dwells there, wow all this is great! But a bit ironical you see. The same, so called ‘cultured’ people go out and spit or blow their nose or cough their phlegm (always yellow), in the middle of the street, and more often than not, an elderly is standing right next to them! Arre yaar, when you spit on the street and piss near the paani puri waala ka kitchen tera culture kidhar jaata hai? West mein? I don’t understand how can we keep our house clean and then litter our own streets. Isnt the street you walk on every day, an extension of “your space”? Again I wish to share an incident that happened with me once.  A man was standing next to me on the bus stop, and he spit (yellow phlegm again! Yuck!), so I told him carry a tumbler with you always, when you spit throw it in that, take it back home and wash it every day. He said chee.. So I said what chee? When I see your bloody spit you think you are making me see vanilla custard? He started shouting so I gave him back, finally he said “subah subah kidhar se chudail jaise aayi yeh..poora din kharab kiya” and a guy next to him said “jaane de yaar yeh sab foreign jaake aate hain aur humko sikhane lagte hain”. I couldn’t stop laughing. They both stared at me, like I am crazy and left!  And I wondered to myself, “He still dint accept that what he did was wrong”! Culture? Show me your Culture!

Duties: I am always in a dilemma regarding this one word-‘duty’. Everything boils down to, “beta it is your duty!” I don’t understand how is it your duty to respect elders who repeatedly abuse/degrade you and your family? Or for that matter, women who “adjust” with their husbands and treat him like God (pati parmeshwar) when he in return treats them like a maid during the day and a prostitute during the night? Where lies thy sense of dignity? And I wonder, where did this “duty hai, nibhana hai!” culture, come from?  A culture that forgets respect, appreciation and gratitude and is willing to let go of all these values in the name of duty, I would rather not follow such a culture.

I hear people, friends, neighbors, relatives, discuss this all the time, “Oh the guys from USA, they have no culture, they marry and remarry, they abuse a lot, their children have no respect”, tell me what are you judging them against? Against the current “one marriage made in heaven” culture in our society? It’s better to get out of a marriage that is not working than to adjust with a partner who you cannot see eye to eye with, or is cheating on you time and again! Many say they stay in marraige for the children, but I feel its better to let your children face the truth and learn to be practical, rather than realise much later, that ther parents are not in good terms, which will effect their phsyche anyways. It is also a fact that we are equals as compared to western countries, when it comes to child abuse, marital abuse, rapes, physical and mental abuse, and corruption, so if our culture is pure and has a  strong sense of values and duties, then why don’t we see less of abuse in India? I find it an irony among Indians, if the river is really your Goddess isn’t it your duty to stop polluting it, rather than you having to “dutifully” take a bath in the river?

“The Ganges was ranked among the five most polluted rivers of the world in 2007,with fecal coliform levels in the river near Varanasi more than one hundred times the official Indian government limits.Pollution threatens not only humans, but also more than 140 fish species, 90 amphibian species and the endangered Ganges river dolphin.The Ganga Action Plan, an environmental initiative to clean up the river, has been a major failure thus far,due to corruption and lack of technical expertise,lack of good environmental planning,and lack of support from religious authorities.” I have copied this from wiki, you can read the article here.

We are corrupt, we don’t think twice before ill-treating animals (except for cows or monkeys), we neglect our actual sensible duties towards society, we pollute the rivers and environment and, then, this is the best part! We go and offer 100 coconuts to the deity or go on a yatra when we are old, or offer a mass in the church, so that all our sins are washed? Why can’t we make a conscious decision to follow what is right, follow our moral duties and follow it today, rather than give in to greed and folly and then think all our sins are forgiven because our culture allows us that benefit?

Values: Another conversation that I have often heard is,”Oh, the westerners, they call elders by their names, they talk loudly, they don’t dress appropriately, women there don’t even know how to sit!, kuch sabyata nahi”, but have we ever noticed how humanly they are when it comes to following basic human values! Let me explain. How many times have we barged into a queue because we dint have patience? (“Arre pehle permisun toh lo.. kohi manaa kiye hai kaa? Permisun toh lo queue todne ki”) How many times have we dashed across, in a hurry without even bothering to say a ‘excuse me’ or a ‘sorry’ if we accidently pushed someone?  How many times do we say thank you to the rickshaw driver who dropped us exactly where we wanted to go? Or to the liftman who guided us on to the correct floor? Or the garbage collector who carries out our garbage every morning without fail? Or the waiter who waited on us and served the exact food we ordered? All of these guys do their jobs well, have we ever taken time to appreciate them? During my training sessions, I have asked my trainees, even managers and senior management, all have the same answer, “kya karenge appreciation karke? That’s their job isn’t it?”! After moving to Mumbai, the first day I thanked my garbage collector she stared not knowing how to react, the next day she smiled, the third day she said welcome, and since then, if I don’t thank her she herself says thank you and smiles. How wonderfully a small gesture can change someone’s outlook, can make someone happy, isn’t that a good thing? And you ask what will you do with appreciation?  But then, our culture is, to break rules, to never thank, to never appreciate a person for what he or she has done, no matter how small, to never take time to think of others! When will we learn to be more human?

And yes! I am married to a Brahmin, but haven’t “automatically” become a Hindu after marriage. I don’t think I must follow all that the Pope or my Church says; I can reason what’s good for me and what’s not!  I love cleanliness around me and if I see you spitting on the road thinking that the road is your mom’s sari, I have a right to yell at you. I love my “pleases, may I’s and thank you’s”. I love smiling at strangers walking by and saying a hello, I love talking to people living on the streets, and yes I eat a lot of beef, in fact I relish it and I don’t really care if you feel I am eating your God! So where are you going to cast me India? Throw me as far away as you want, lekin phir bhi “MAIN INDIAN HOON” ( Sunny Deol style)

Your comments are appreciated 🙂 I would love to hear from you too!

P.S. If you dint like what I blogged here, you had a choice to stop reading the second you read something you dint like. Now, if you harp about something that you found offensive, question yourself, “I had a choice of not reading, why dint I make that choice?” Have a great day! Thanks